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Pain
Today is Chinese Valentine’s Day. This brings my memory back to the time when I was in love with a girl. Though that only lasts for three days and has been gone with the wind before I have time to enjoy and appreciate it, I am content to have ever been in love. That enriches my life and enables me to know how to love and how to maintain the freshness of love.
Since I have courage to love, I have prepared to accept pain. Though my first love only lasts for three days, I have known its joy. In the following days when my first love has been far away from me, I have experienced much more pain than ever before. Whenever her image was appeared in my mind, which constantly opens the wound of my heart, I cannot help but shedding tears silently. I know it is useless to cry, but at that time, only tears can temporarily ease the pain of my heart. I have no idea when I can get out of this kind of emotion, and when I can escape from the trap set by myself, but I know I cannot be always like this, I should find a way to be out. And I also have confidence that someday I will let this kind of emotion sink into the bottom of my heart, which seems to be a bottle of muddy water with soil and sand in it, when you put it on the table quietly for a long time, it would be as clear as pure water, but when you shake it, it would be a bottle of muddy water again. And our emotion is somewhat like this, time will cure the wound of the heart and that kind of emotion will finally be quiet and peaceful at the bottom of the heart. It will no longer be in torrent since you have no intension to trigger it.
When I have to work from day into night and have no time to think about other things rather than my job and my career, I temporarily forget my pain and I thought that I have put her in the right place of my heart, however, I am too naïve. When I occasionally and unconsciously give a glance of the photo we take together and notice her in the corner, my heart is immediately taken up by her image. I know I still care much about her and I still love her. I cannot be out and I have set a trap for myself.
Who know what love is and who can be wise enough to give a definition of love? Maybe Nathaniel Hawthorne is right,
“Love is a butterfly, which when pursued is just beyond your grasp, but if you will sit down quietly it may alight upon you.”
Let bygones be bygones. Love naturally and find a person deserves your love.
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