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1. a standard-sized family
In this passage, “standard” means “proper.” There are many facts to influence a family’s size, population policy and regulations, economic status, personal choice…Generally, there exists a standard, i.e., to ensure that the size will bring some good, not ill influence for the happiness of the family.
“…today’s seniors had fewer children than their predecessors, there are fewer family members to share the burden”
I believe the statement above is right, however, for Anne, “a 42-year-old social services adviser who lives in Calgary with her husband and three children, aged 11, 15 and 19.” Her family can never be called few enough. If someone called it “fewer”, okay, what we need here is “much fewer”.
Some may argue that three child is not a large family in Anne’s neighborhood, even in Canada. But fact is, when her mother needed care and moved in, Anne’s family felt “stressful”, and troubles came: sleep deprivation; saw less of friends; stopped work on a master’s thesis; shortened consulting work and canceled a business trip; less available for the kids…in a word, “Things built up.”
The source of the problems is, Anne’s family never take the elder generation into their account when they built their own family.
I believe that, in the beginning of marriage life, a couple should consider the family’s size in a serious way. They should make sure, in the future, they can afford their next generation (their children) and elder generation (parents on two sides), especially the later one.
2. The elders are not burdens
When the young grow up, enter into marriage, and become parents themselves, they may weigh their own family more, and between their parents and their children, they’d prefer to take care of the children. Who will be there to remind them that one day they will become elders and will be treated by their children the way they treated their parents?
Once I asked a girl about her ideal Mr. Right. “The man should have a harmonious family, in which the members love each other. This is the most important.” she smiled. Then she explained, “What I look for is not only a husband, but also a family. Couples can’t live alone and neglect the old. The family connection has a great influence. Parents love children and bring them up, and children love parents and take care of them when they are old. This is healthy and happy relationship.”
I admire her viewpoint. If parents can give birth to children and bring them up, then why can’t children take care of their children? I’ve never heard any parents complain they didn’t have time to take care of children then leave them grow up on themselves, therefore, I don’t think the complaint from children to their old parents are reasonable.
3. What the elders need?
Hospitals with good facilities, nursing home, moving into children’s family…these can be of some help for elder people. However, taking economic cost and the closeness into account, no one alone is satisfying enough. The old needs medical care and they need family love as well. But there are other problems. For the old, some may like being alone and hate kids’ making noise; some may feel hard to get used to the family of next generation; some may feel sorry or embarrassed when they think they are old and disabled and therefore waste their children’s time and trouble them…
The old like talking about their past. They are used to moderate life—not too haste, not too passionate. In a word, the old have their own way of living. Sometimes, this becomes a contradiction between them and their children. They often find it easier to get understanding and support from their peer group. If the government or their children are able to organize a club or only a simple party for the old to communicate and keep company, that probably will be helpful.
4. If you were head of a company, and many of your workers meet with difficulty in caring for the old, and this affect their work efficiency. What can you do to help them out?
①Encourage them to make a reasonable plan to deal with work and family affairs. When give them work assignment, try to consider their family arrangement as well, especially when it comes down to shift work.
②Give them advice on family caring (introduce eldercare program that offers counseling and refers employees to support services in their area, as the text mentioned); Arrange some time for them to communicate and exchange ideas; invite the old to tea talks or small parties; pay attention to their kids as well, to let them know that to love one’s family and to love one’s work is not contradictory…
by Wendy Tian
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